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“So he was all, like, Pride, and I was all, like – nuh-uh, Prejudice?

 

It’s totally true, right, and everyone like knows,  it’s like well obvious, that a bloke with  like loads of bling, like as if  he’s totally minted, needs fixing up with a girl?

 

If this bloke with loads of dollar, like, moves somewhere new,  even if he doesn’t know he needs to hook up with like, a girl, all the families in the area are all like, hello here’s a rich geezer we need to like get him to get off with our daughter before someone else like bags him first.  It’s all like, he belongs to us already, he’s like our property?

 

So, right, Mrs Bennett turns round to Mr Bennett and just goes “yeah, no, do you know what? NetherfieldPark has been snapped up”

 

And Mr Bennett is like, whatevs.

 

And then right, Mrs Bennett turns round and goes, “well yeah, it has been, and Mrs Long, she was all like, yeah Netherfield Park has been bought, and I was all, no way, and she was all like yes way, and I was all, not even, and she was like I totally mean it, and then I was all god, I must tell Mr Bennett”
And Mr Bennett is like, whatevs. Like he’s not really like into it, but Mrs Bennett can totally see through that, and she’s all, yeah right, like you’re really not bothered.

 

So she turns round and goes, “Don’t you, like, not even want to know who has bought it?”

 

And he’s all, “No,yeah, whatevs, you want to tell me, and I’m not even bothered either way, sup to you, innit?”

 

This was invitation enough.

 

 

[Clearly, I have reached the point of grumpy middle age, where the speech patterns of young people have ceased being fascinating and amusing and just annoy the hell out of me. It does worry me that the generation who have grown up talking  in this way will be addressing Judges and  like, have these horrible little verbal tics slip out?   I do already, I have to say, see a lot of advocates who are under the impression that if you read out a long assertion and then raise your intonation slightly at the end, that somehow constitutes a question… which is the opposite of the young people who give the inadvertent  impression that every statement is a question by doing the same thing]

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About suesspiciousminds

Law geek, local authority care hack, fascinated by words and quirky information; deeply committed to cheesecake and beer.

One response

  1. I could weep at the loss of language skills. My elderly mother-in- law, who left school at 12 and became a mill-girl, her husband and my parents who left school at 14, could all spell and write good English. They knew where to put apostrophes, and what a verb was. Their daily language was enriched by the cadences of the King James version of the Bible.
    When I send in queries to government departments on behalf of the organisation I represent, I get replies beginning “Hi Jean!”, and a response from a clerk on the House of Commons Select Committee of Education using “would of” instead of “would have”. I had to write a short summary of the difference between “affect” and effect” for post-graduate applicants to a research ethics committee I sat on..
    This is hardly surprising when letters from our daughter’s headmaster used to contain obvious grammatical mistakes. Where will any government find the teachers to put this right, apart from those who went to private schools?
    Jean Robinson

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