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Lawyers who use hallucinogenic drugs – should we Panda to them?



Sorry, it continues to be a slow law December.  This came to my attention via  – as that website reports on chiefly American law weirdness he has so much material that he was able to throw this one away as a footnote in a round-up.  With the paucity of good stuff coming out of Bailii this month, I’m happy to spin an entire piece out of it.


‘I thought woman in bed was a giant panda,’ says homeless ex-lawyer dressed in fishnets and G-string who crept into bedroom


That’s the headline of the story in the Irish Independent. And the story below does not really disappoint.


A former lawyer charged with offences when he was found in a stranger’s house  (in Bayswater, London – not an area known for its dense population of Giant Pandas), when he was wearing fishnets and a purple g-string; deployed as his defence that he was so high on drugs at the time that he believed the woman was a giant panda and that he had just been looking for somewhere to fall asleep.


In his subsequent police interview, he claimed that he went into the block of flats to get a bed for the night.

‘I honestly didn’t see a woman on the bed, I didn’t see any children in the bed, I honestly thought it was a big panda bear in the bed, that’s what it looked like to me.

‘I had taken some drugs but I am pretty certain that’s what I saw, I didn’t see any woman, I didn’t see any kids… were they under the panda?’


The jury actually cleared him at the trial at Southwark Crown Court after just thirty minutes of deliberation. I can only think that it was so quick because all of the jurors were desperate to get to the pub and tell their mates about the day they’d just had.


In the event that the Judge’s summing up is available, I really would rather like to see it.


I am aware, of course, of a historical precedent for a man taking substances and believing himself to be the Lizard King , but Panda King is new to me.



As the spirit of Jim Morrison, even I have to say that this guy was taking too much

As the spirit of Jim Morrison, even I have to say that this guy was taking too much


[Frankly, the Spirit of Hunter S Thompson might be telling this guy that he needs to take a break and cut down. As a rule of thumb, if your substance use has got to a point where Morrison and Hunter S Thompson could be considered voices of reason, things are out of hand. ]



If that was up your street, find out why a Turkish Court has authorised experts on Lord of the Rings to testify in a criminal trial about the character Gollum here




About suesspiciousminds

Law geek, local authority care hack, fascinated by words and quirky information; deeply committed to cheesecake and beer.

5 responses

  1. I wonder if he was related to the Harry Potter Lawyer Alan Blacker, in any event Lawyers should never Panda to drug taking, it won’t often end will,

    Having said that, on many of my escapades I have met many a Lawyer who “seemed” to be on illicit substances as well as those Lawyers who should be taking them.

  2. Not to mention erm, judges! 😀
    Just Deserts? ‪#‎HHJDodds‬ dubbed ‘Britain’s rudest judge!’ via @truthrazor ~ Alex Aldridge, LEGAL CHEEK, NOV 30 2015. Former head of 15 Winckley Square seems to have been heavily influenced by Kevin the Teenager and Alan Partridge A judge who told a court how “bitterly resentful” he felt about spending his weekend “reading this codswallop” has been formally reprimanded by the Judicial Conduct Investigations Office (JCIO)

  3. That’s how a future meme puts it : “If your lawyer wears a G-String and talks to an invisibile Panda you will definitely go to jail.”

  4. Oh, why didn’t I title this “A whap-bop-a-loo-la, a whap-BAMBOO”….

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