- You can take cheese out of this communal fridge if your best interests require it. Yours, Act
2.Taking the cheese out of this fridge is a draconian resort and one that should only be done as a last resort. Having said that, if your best interests mean that you NEED to take the cheese, that’s fine. Just, y’know, think about it first. Yours, Caselaw
3. But everyone, please remember that if you ARE going to take any cheese, you must be sure that it is proportionate and necessary. Yours, HRA
4. What the hell are you students doing with the cheese? If you don’t behave yourself with the way you take cheese or decide to take cheese or how much cheese, then we’ll have to come and put a bloody lock on the fridge. Also, what’s with your fascination with cheddar? Why not try some brie, or parmesan or Edam? Yours, Y v UK
5. Everyone, for goodness sake, you’ve seen what Y v UK said, but everyone’s ignoring it. This is not cool. We are not being cool here. Oh yes, ha ha, fridge related pun there, very funny. This is really really serious everyone. Listen! The fridge is going to be locked if everyone doesn’t learn to be responsible about the cheese. We think the best thing is to have a snappy easy to remember sentence, then everyone can be really clear about when it is OKAY to take cheese and when it is very much not okay to take cheese. Nothing ever goes wrong with snappy catchphrases (like, for example “no return to boom and bust” – that had literally no downside at all) …. So from now on, just remember, “Only take cheese from the communal fridge if NOTHING ELSE WILL DO” . Yours, Re B
6. You all heard what Re B said, and we agree. And also, if you are going to take any cheese out of the fridge, you must leave a really detailed note explaining exactly why nothing else will do, and setting out all the other options that you considered (going down the shops, going hungry, ordering takeway, taking hummus instead) and what the pros and cons are of each of those options and why if you DO decide to take any cheese, why NOTHING ELSE WILL DO” Yours Re BS
7. Why the hell is this fridge full of cheese? There’s no room for anything else. We aren’t going to be able to close the fridge door soon if nobody takes any of this damn cheese out of it. We need to be getting much more of this cheese out of the fridge and into sandwiches, or grated onto pizzas. We don’t understand this developing cheese mountain. What the actual heck, people? Who has been telling people not to take the cheese? Yours, The Government.
8. Our fridge is full of cheese. It is very bad for cheese to continue to be sitting in the fridge, languishing there, when it could be forming meaningful happy relationships on top of a spag bol. Listen, I know some of you mistakenly believe that recent passive-aggressive post it notes on the fridge have changed the rules and that it has become much harder to take cheese out of the communal fridge, but all of you are wrong. You fools. Just go back and read the very first note, by Act, and do that. And remember that the Government wants much more of this cheese gone, and they are weighing it once a month now to see if you’re managing. If you don’t get it sorted, then the Government will get Capita to come in and run the fridge services for a lucrative fee. Yours, Mythbusters (oh also, the President agrees with this)
9. I agree with all of that, only I don’t actually agree with it and I will undermine it subtly throughout this note. However, if people are taking literally the test as being “NOTHING ELSE WILL DO” they are mistaken, because they simply didn’t understand that post-it notes 3, 4, 5 and 6 said. I hope that’s all clear now. Sometimes it is the best thing for the cheese to be taken out of the fridge, and if so, people must not be afraid of doing it. But they should only do it if nothing else will do. Yours The President Re R
10. Once the fridge door has been open and the cheese is in your hand, there is no presumption that the cheese OUGHT to go back in the fridge rather than be grated onto spag bol. We have to start from a neutral position and consider what is really best for the cheese at that point. Also, we slightly regret the “Nothing else will do” shorthand label referred to in post it note 5, but because Re B has been in the house longer than us, we can’t actually say they’re wrong. Ignore it though once the cheese is actually in your hand, even if the fridge door is still open. It doesn’t count then. But more generally, of course “nothing else will do” applies. But, you know, just take it with a pinch of salt. (Not the cheese, the guidance) Yours, Re W
(Oh man, researching google image for passive aggressive fridge notes turns up some shockers. Here are just four – because the first is more about dishes, I think)
I like on this both the neat triangular one and ‘disapproving mum face’
That’s a strong retaliatory position. Though I would place smoked kippers in the fridge and sit back to watch the show
I don’t know about you, but if I worked there, Tina from HR would be going hungry EVERY single lunchtime.
Let’s hope when the threats to maim co-workers goes to HR, it isn’t Tina investigating it
suesspiciousminds 