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Friday Daftness – Statement of the Respondent to an application for a non-molestation order




  1. I am C. I was previously in a relationship with H, but that has come to an end. I am aware that H has asked the Court for a non-molestation order that I no longer harass him or come within 500 metres of his property. I oppose that application.
  2. It is correct that H’s home is in a secluded location on the moors, and that as he asserts it is unusual to see passers-by, there being no other houses nearby to visit. However, as he knows full well, I like to go for a run to keep myself fit. Sometimes that run is on the moors and it may be that by chance he has seen me nearby whilst I was having a run.


  1. Therefore, it may be correct that from his home, H has seen me on occasion, running up the road, or running up the hill. I enjoy running up that road, or running up that hill. I would suggest that this was no problem.   I accept that my running gear, consisting of a white voluminous frock is unorthodox, but due to the wind on the moors, wearing running gear that has very poor wind-resistance means that my runs burn more calories than if I were wearing traditional sports gear.  I absolutely and bitterly dispute that he heard me “wailing and caterwauling”. I suggest that in fact I was singing along with my ipod, and that a great many people like and admire my singing voice (which I would accept has a certain unusual character).



  1. It is correct that within our relationship, I did display jealousy. I think that it is unfair and unkind for him to characterise me as “too hot, too greedy”.  [Due to a misprint in his statement, I originally read this as being ‘too hot, too greasy’  hence my angry text message to him, which I now apologise for] I would also point out that whilst I did have jealousy, it was of a very similar nature and degree to H’s own temper.


  1. Although it is correct that I told H that I hated him, I loved him too.



  1. During the good times, we would spend time on the moors (although it was quite windy there) and we would roll and fall in green. It was rather distressing to see in paragraph 4 of H’s statement that he described these times as “rolling in the deep” – this must have been with an entirely different woman. I had always suspected that he was having a relationship with a woman named Adele, and this only reinforces my suspicion.  [I had picked up the phone several times whilst we live together, and heard a woman’s voice say “Hello…. it’s me”]



  1. H’s allegation that I was standing outside his window shouting up “It’s me, It’s C, I’ve come home” is utterly refuted and denied. He may have heard me, whilst I was engaged in a run on the moors shouting that I was “so cold” but I absolutely never asked him to “let me in through your window”
  2. I do accept that I sent him scented letters. I would say that he received them with a strange delight.  [I did not personally observe this reaction whilst hiding in bushes or through the lens of my telescope, he said it on his Facebook page]
  3. If anything, it is I who need protecting, because he purchased some hounds and set them loose on me.

About suesspiciousminds

Law geek, local authority care hack, fascinated by words and quirky information; deeply committed to cheesecake and beer.

6 responses

  1. Apparently the moors were not only windy, but Wiley too. That’s when I start promising the world to a brand new girl I don’t even know yet, next thing she’s wearing my Rolex.

  2. So…is the respondent Kate Bush or Catherine Earnshaw herself?

  3. Is this real?

    *insert laughing face*

  4. It made me smile so it could be real … pretty surreal …. imagine (insert laughing face)!

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