Her Majesty’s Court Service have published their top ten reasons for returning divorce petitions
I feel that HMCTS could have spiced these up a bit, so here are my 15 reasons why divorce petitions might be rejected.
- Jurisdiction section answered in a haiku. Whilst the petitioner carefully used the exact number of syllables, in the 5-7-5 format, a true haiku has to be about nature, and thus fails the test.
- Instead of cheque or fee exemption form, petitioner had enclosed a note saying “I’m waiting for Wonga to get back to me”
- Instead of cheque or fee exemption form, petitioner had offered to “pay it out of my winnings”
- On the section that provides the details of the Respondent, it is unacceptable to write the words “Here be Dragons”
- Petitioner claims to be married to Tony Blair. Petitioner is not Cherie Blair.
- In the grounds section, Petitioner has written simply the word “BI-ATCH”
- In motor oil
- In the grounds section, Petitioner has submitted photograph of Respondent giving her a practical Christmas present (including, but not limited to – a pressure cooker, vileda supermop, colander, new ironing board, new ironing board cover, perfumed drawer liners)
- Petitioner in the grounds section has pleaded adultery, but has named the Co-Respondent as Lilo Lil. Adding “THAT TART” did not remedy this deficiency.
- Divorce petition submitted on what was originally believed to be vellum, but which has on the back page a tattoo that says “Margaret”
- Petition too tear-stained to read (variant 9a – petition too Chardonnay/Stella Artois stained to read)
- Marriage certificate, whilst the original, has a jewel-encrusted dagger piercing it.
- Petition sent to one of the many divorce Courts that we have now closed down. Send it again, properly. Oh, we lost your cheque though. And your marriage certificate.
- Petition when read aloud, opened portal to another dimension where skunks breathe green fire
- Petition was simply Tammy Wynnette sent to the counter to sing the application.