Some of you might be aware of the story that Coronation Street are currently running about Aidan and male mental health, with a view to starting an important dialogue.
I’m going to overshare now, hence the title, in that same spirit. So trigger warning for anyone who may not be in the right place to deal with this – I’m not going to go into any details and I hope that it might be inspiring rather than making people miserable. I’m not doing this for sympathy or because I want comfort or pity, but rather because being ashamed and not able to talk about it is one of the most powerful weapons that mental illness has over people, and I’m taking that weapon away from mine.
I have had problems with depression for my entire adult life. Before I had depression, I thought about it the same as everyone else ‘cheer up, pull yourself together, what have you got to be miserable about’
Which, as it is due to chemical deficiencies, is about as realistic as saying to someone with diabetes ‘just digest sugar better’
I’ve learned to cope with depression, but usually in very unhelpful ways. I’ve learned how to hide it, how to mask it from people, how to keep going and have nobody around me have a clue that inside my head my own thoughts are attacking me relentlessly.
The best description I can give you of the sort of depression I have is that my mind employs the very best ad agencies to come up with and play constant adverts to me, knowing me better than Facebook data mining ever could, to sell me the message that I am an awful human being, worthless and hateful in every way and that the whole world would be remarkably better off without me in it.
Now, this is drivel. And some days, some hours, I’m well aware that it is drivel. I’m a human being who has like everyone else some good qualities and some faults. But when that’s the soundtrack to your life, it’s corrosive.
And a large part of what’s corrosive about it is ‘dont tell anyone, it will just make them hate you’
Well, everyone that I’ve ever been brave enough to talk to has not hated me, or run away. They haven’t always understood and sometimes they’ve been shocked or frightened, but all of them without fail have done their absolute best to help, and it has been a huge help.
The stupid adverts don’t stop, but the more honest I am, the quieter they are and the more loudly I can reply ‘this is just an illness and i don’t have to believe that message’
Sorry everyone, I know you come here for law and 80s pop culture, but telling everyone in one go is the scariest thing I can imagine but now it is out there. Don’t worry about me, the darkest days of it are well behind me. I hope that sharing this might empower someone else to speak out, or helps you to start a difficult but vital conversation with someone you love and care about.
Talking helps. Honesty helps. Friends really do care about you, and you are not alone. If you are able to talk, just to one person, it is one of the most powerful and significant moments in your life and it will help.